Save it for the Ruins – Real World Road Rules Challenge is Back

The Real World Road Rules Challenges, “The Ruins”, aired this evening. It was everything that you would expect from one of the best reality franchises around. It had everything. Exotic location (Phucket, Thailand), bikini clad drunk girls, macho badass action, ropes, elbow pads, and most important… scandlous ass drama.  Everyone you love and love to hate, all thrown into a sweet house on the beach and made to endure ridiculous challenges with an overly complicated elimination process. Reality TV at its best. Since there was so much action it is hard to put my feelings into words so I am just going to list all of the competitors and give you an update on what is up with each of them since we last saw them make total asses of themselves on national television.

Team 1 – The Champions

Ibis
This poor sucker gets to be “right above wes” on the rope. Only a jackass would have taken that shit without totally freaking the hell out on this show. Better step up the drama or at least scream a little if you want to win at the ruins.

Katie
Got married recently. She is looking to win to start a nest egg with the new hubby but she looks pretty weak and flabby in the first challenge. Hey Mr. Katie… dont quit your day job unless you have Katie’s ass booked for a lot of shitty bar appearances when she gets home.

Wes
Is now love with kellyanne . He is goin for the big win by sabotaging his own team. Hopefully Kellyanne makes it to the end and doesnt make out with Kenny along the way. In the challenge, Wes fails to sabotage the team and ends up in the ruins.

Evan
Says everything was fine at the dance until someone takes a big turd in the punchbowl… Nice line Evan. You just moved up a notch.

Derrick
Didn’t do or say anything of interest. Maybe next episode asswipe.

Darrell
Nominates himself,  then ends up calling Kellyanne a bitch and almost getting in a fight with Wes

Susie
Looks like the quiet chick that fucks Dwight Shrute on the Office. Other than that she didn’t do anything.

Johanna
Rabble rowsing slut making it tough for Wes cuz Kenny is a hothead… Can’t wait for her to get her ass kicked in the ruins.

Kenny
Wears Karate Kidesque headband and talking mad shit to Wes in some sort of fake accent that I can’t put my finger on. That’s about it.

Veronica
Said wes had a small dick… did they do it?

Tonya
Unstable as usual .  Calls Evelynn a piece of shit. Doesnt take nomination for elimination all that well and gets hammered and looks like she should be hanging out at some backwoods bar in West Virginia

Evelynn
Pisses off Tonya big time. Calls her a Walla Walla Wombat and almost gets her ass kicked.

Syrus
40 years old and still kickin’ it… congratulations, you have no future.

Johnny Bananas
Wore some shades. thats about it.

Team 2 – The Challengers

Nick
Says the word boner then gets nominated for elimination… coincidence?

Casey
Wants to party. Afraid of heights. Fun or not?

Kellyanne
Hookin up with Wes. Thinks he is smart.

Diem
Thinks Kellyane is a wildcard.

Sarah
Gonna lose. Said she would nominate herself. Dumbass.

Adam
Looks like Babbaboey. Trouble maker.

Danny
Wes’s pawn. Didn’t really do shit.

Brad
Wes’s pawn. Didn’t really do shit. Wes needs to pick better pawns.

Dunbar
Whatevs.

Chet
Says he is the strong silent type although he is a third of the size of most of the meat heads on the show. He also calls himself the “Bowtie Killa”. He also claims purple to be his favorite color and it made me realize how weird people that claim purple as their favorite color are. It seems to me that lovers of the color purple are really the only ones that ever really bring up their favorite color in the first place, and they really bring it up a lot. Very strange. Stick with the silence, toughguy.

Shauvon
Nice tits. Super proud of herself to make it to the second challenge. Gonna lose.

Brianna
Gross looking complainer. Nice plasticy red hair. Didn’t do shit.

Cohutta
Hilljack goes up for elimination cuz he is a nice guy and didn’t do shit… not a good combo bud.

Kimberly
Said like 3 words and didnt do anything… step it up.

In the end it is a super boring polite challenge with no ass beating or hair pulling. On the girls side it is Tanya vs Diem and the for the boys we have Wes vs Chet the douche. On the guys side Wes is the victor in the end and sends the purple loving self proclaimed “Bowtie Killa” packin’. Better luck next season, toolbag. Everyone knows Wes is not only the strongest but he is the smartest…. duh!

On the girls side, Tonya’s drunk ass wakes up feeling strong and somehow summons up some problem solving skills and defeats Diem in a totally boring challenge. Nice job drunkie… Didn’t this broad have kidney troubles when she was on her season of Real World or Road Rules that were so bad that she was unable to work at the pool or whatever? How did this kidney trouble end up turning into super strength and the ability to drink her ass into oblivion and still kick ass in the ruins? Who knows but it looks like it will be an exciting season as usual. I just have one question MTV… Why don’t they let the VH1 weirdos mix in with theReal World Road World Posse and make one big super show. Oh yeah, when is 12 pack of Love coming out? If you haven’t thought of that title already… you are welcome VH1.

Heroes Season 4 Premiere Couldn’t Save Me from Boredom

The season 4 premiere of Heroes aired the other day. As I was watching it I found myself unsure of how much I liked it or hated it, so while I watched, I jotted down a list of items that were good and bad about the episode so I could weigh the pros and cons to determine whether I liked it or not.

I will start with the good parts…

1. Ali Larter gets attacked by the super fast carnival freak. This part was cool looking. Especially when Ali takes a knife to the kisser and her face turns to water for  a second.
2. Claire’s new super annoying roommate dies before she is given the chance to totally annoy us all to the point of killing ourselves.
3. Ando gets to make out with Hiro’s sister.
4. Danko gets slaughtered by fast knifed freak and is hopefully really dead for good. He sucked.

As you can see there wasn’t much that really impressed me. Now for the bad…

1. The new band of super powered carnival freaks totally suck. Carnival freaks suck in general… these guys are super sucky.
2. The main carnival freak with the black nail polish is a total douche. Animated tattoos? Give me a fucking break. The writers are obviously trying to appeal to all the losers that watch all those horribly trashy tattoo shows. this dude is head carnie, wears nail polish and eye make-up, has animated tattoos and couldn’t be a bigger tool… great job writers.
3. The new chick with all the tattoos is pretty hot but also has animated tattoos. She seems to be some sort of psychic but the animated tattoos appear on her back, so she can’t see them. Why can’t the nail polish dude just ask her to tell him about these visions. Oh yeah… if she did that, then Mr. Nail Polish’s ability would be completely pointless.
4. Sylar starts haunting Matt Parkman’s mind and seems to actually be right there talking to him… how original.
5. Claire’s new friend Gretchen totally sucks. I don’t know what else this gross looking bitch has been in but I seemed to subconsciously hate her as soon as she appeared on screen. I think it was some sort of left over disgust from seeing her horrible acting on some other show or movie but I can’t put my finger on it. It appears that this nosey broad has a special ability of her own… super shit talk. Too bad the annoying roommate didn’t land on this idiot when she fell/jumped out the window.

So that is it I guess. The good doesn’t quite make up for the bad. This carnie story line might be the final straw for me. The series keeps getting more and more lame with each new season.  The first season was so original and kept me coming back week after week. It is hard to believe how completely weak these supposed super heroes have become in a few short years. Maybe next season they will add a bunch of vampires and wizards  to the cast and then the show will achieve the totally ripped off, unoriginal suckage that the writers are obviously going for.

King of the Hill Finale Leaves Meaty After Taste

Last Sunday, the final episodes of King of the Hill aired on Fox.  It is truly the end of an era. With the Simpsons seemingly endless lifespan getting seriously old, to me King of the Hill was the only cartoon worth watching. Having a child, I am pretty much forced to watch all of the children’s cartoons against my will, so I don’t have much time in my show schedule for a bunch of crappy adult cartoons. By the time it is evening, I am usually more interested in seeing some actual human beings on the screen rather than of a bunch of farting cartoon characters with foul mouths. King of the Hill has pretty much filled any need I had for watching cartoons after dark for the past few years.

Originally, I could not stand the show mostly due to the fact that it was about hicks, and it was horribly drawn and animated in the early episodes. This combined with the fact that I used to think Beavis and Butthead was one of the worst shows ever made, kept me from taking the show seriously for the first few seasons. I am not sure exactly what made me start liking the show or when I started liking it. It might have been the same time I gained respect for Mike Judge’s work by watching the movie “Office Space”. Since then, my appreciation of KOTH, and Mike Judge has steadily grown along with the amount of laughs I got from each episode. To put it simply, I love King of the Hill and I am quite disappointed that it will no longer have any new episodes for me to watch.

So, the other day of course I missed it when it aired, but thanks to the wonders of DVR, I was able to watch the final episodes in HD. I had never gotten to see any of the previous episodes in HD, so that was a treat but at the same time it was sad because there will be no more new episodes for me to watch on my new TV.

I queued  up the episode and hit play, sat back and laughed as Hank and the boys got bored and decided to build the ultimate homeless cart. The laughs kept on coming as the fellas along with Lucky, successfully build the cart only to have it be rejected by their homeless friend Spongy due to the fact that by having a cart so totally awesome, he could be in fact putting his life on the line.

The episode was hilarious and was totally satisfying in classic KOTH fashion. When it was over, I noticed that another episode was about to come on. I thought “Are they playing the same one again?”, but to my surprise it was another brand new episode and would be the official last episode. I must say that I was super pumped about getting a bonus episode that I was not expecting.

This second episode was totally awesome and was in my eyes, a perfect ending to the awesome adventures of the Hill family. Bobby finds his calling and Hank couldn’t be more proud I am sure. To everyone’s surprise, Bobby is a natural at determining the quality of meat. How great is that?! Not only does this hidden talent totally kick ass in Hank’s eyes, but it also ends up giving Bobby the opportunity to make his father even more proud by giving Bobby the chance to “Go to state”. This was the funniest thing in the world to me, and Hank couldn’t have been more proud father.  He even refers to the fact that by going to state, it will give them stuff to talk about for the rest of their lives. I could have cried I was so happy for Hank and Bobby as well.

The episode goes on and gets funnier and funnier and Bobby ends up winning the state championship single handedly and being the MVP of the meat judging competition. He shows excellent sportsmanship and the episode ends giving us assurance that Bobby will indeed grow up to make Hank as proud as can be. Another awesome little surprise at the end of the episode is that we find out that Boomhauer is actually a Texas Ranger. Look out Chuck Norris!

All in all, both final episodes were totally great. I don’t know what the reason for cancelling the show is, but it is truly a shame to let this fantastic franchise go the way of the dodo. I will continue to watch the reruns for the rest of my life I am sure. I love this show for some weird reason and I am sad to see it go.

Good luck out there Bobby. I am sure you will make us all proud. As for Mike Judge, I plan on seeing his new movie “Extract” but I might have a little chip on my shoulder during the viewing… I hope that King of the Hill is not the last of Judge’s work to make me laugh.

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